you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
