i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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