i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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