you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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