and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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