Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
