did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
