he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
