Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
