you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
