Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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