My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
