and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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