Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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