And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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