No stitches, just platelets and will power
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
