I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
