there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize