Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
