There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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