just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
