Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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