The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
