Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
