Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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