just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
