Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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