your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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