i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
