Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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