i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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