I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
