he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
