Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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