it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
