Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
