I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Less talking, more tequila
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
