We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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