At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
