Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
