margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
