Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
