that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
