It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
