HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
