the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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