so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
