we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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