I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
