he puts the penis in happiness.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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