Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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