I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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