WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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