I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
