He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
