one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize