We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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