I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize