why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
