I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
