just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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