dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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