There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
