Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
