WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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