I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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