I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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