My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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