Moan for me like Helen Keller
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
