There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
