I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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