Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
