I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
