Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
