friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
